so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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