I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize