how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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