WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
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Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
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Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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