oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize