I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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