I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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