grandma shit on top of the toilet
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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