she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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