Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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