From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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