I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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