haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize