Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize