i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize