Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize