I think i peed on brittanys purse
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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