Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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