I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
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My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
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I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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