Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize