my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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