Michael Bay diarrhea
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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