I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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