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Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
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