What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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