I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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