some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize