i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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