Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
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Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
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I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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