it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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