Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
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I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
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Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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