My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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