i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize