official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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