so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
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she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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