Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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