she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
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New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need a beard to bite.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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