I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
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I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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