So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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