Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I need to calm my uterus...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize