so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
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Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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