I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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