just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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