Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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