At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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