operation harelip BJ is a go
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
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I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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