??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
you never un-have a 4some
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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