Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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