she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
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The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
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I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You ruined the universe
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