Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
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Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize